Unadulterated Ramblings of a Peanut

Another night, another no sleep, another morning...

2006-08-19T00:39:00.000-07:00

...but I AM coming up with some good ideas tonight (this morning)! Like, bald men should just embrace their baldness and not do the new "popular" kid thing to do which is to shave your head. Yer getting older, it happens! I mean, you can shave your head and everything...but we are all totally on to your coverup. We all can tell it's because you're going BALD and not because you are going thru rounds of chemotherapy!

Gawd...what the hell am I even talking about??

Just remember folks, this could be the amount of Ambien I took before "bed" doing the talkin' here (it was enough to kill a horse). However, as indicated by the past week of severe insomnia, I am immune to everything! I challenge each and every one of you to find something (drug and/or medication) that I'm NOT immune to! The winner gets the pleasure of doing the drug/medication we discover I'm NOT immune to...together!!! YAY!!!

Lots-n-lots of stuff happened today...some of it really cool. But I will save that for when I have a bit more writing stamina.

I will end with this: Next week during this time, the Peanut Connection will be complete...you'll have to sit tight until then to find out what that means!

p.s. I bought a piece of Sharon Tate's stone fireplace today. You know, the fireplace that was witness to all of the bloody Manson Murders when a pregnant Ms. Sharon Tate was killed along with four of her friends back in 1969. You know, just a little piece of history that I can pass on to the kid. Then, she will have the Tate fireplace rock....until she ends up throwing it in along with the landscape rocks outside our house. *sigh*

Oh dear insomnia...

2006-08-18T04:01:00.000-07:00

...how I love thee.
Thank you so much for not giving me the strength to get through the last 5 days because you have been invading my life! We both know that it is NOT natural for Ami Christin Christiansen to be wide awake at 5:30 in the morning typing on her blog. Whatever happened to the days where it was easy for me to sleep well past 9:00?!? I mean, Ava doesn't even get up for another 2 and a half hours, fer chrissake!!!

Ambien, Lunesta, Trazadone, Klonopin, and Valium...you have all failed me miserably and I hate you all (those meds, that is) very, very much.

Luckily I have a psych appt. this morning! I'm almost thinking of begging them to put me in the psych ward "just for a little vacation this weekend".

In other news, my Lil' Peaznut and I are getting tattoos next Wednesday. Mine will say "Big Peanut" in chinese letters, and Meghan's will say "Little Peanut" in chinese letters. We feel the deep need to get that forever marked on our bodies because the Peaznut bond is unbreakable.

God, am I talking all weird?? Did I just hear a mewing cat?? Why can't there be more gloomy days in Minneapolis?? I hate bright, sunshiny days...they just make me want to puke.

That is all.

Up Front Parking

2006-08-14T08:56:00.000-07:00

That's right folks. After a few years of procrastination, I ~finally~ applied for handicap parking and now have a permanent handicap placard thingy!!!! I will be able to park up-front forever-n-ever!!! Until the end of time!!! Until the world comes to a fiery end!!
Doctors and various other loved ones have been prodding me to get this taken care of for years (yeah, it would've came in really handy when I was pregnant in the wintertime and on 24/7 oxygen!). The biggest hassle was tracking down Dr. Bob to have him fill out this form. Once again, he came to my rescue and now I'm totally living large. Nawww, not really living large, but it's a tad bit more exciting (and easier!) to go to the store now knowing that I'll ALWAYS get a kick-ass parking spot!
Now I bet everyone will want to go to the Mall of America with me! That's okay! I'll take you!

I bet you're all jealous that I'm handi-capable.

This is what a fat bunny in a harness looks like...

2006-07-27T11:04:00.000-07:00

Any Questions?

The Minnesota Nice.

2006-07-25T15:27:00.000-07:00

I know I'm not the first one to coin that phrase, but jeezus christ is it true!
I just got off the phone with the good people at Comcast Cable because for a couple months now, the channels I watch the most frequently (4, 8, & 10) have been severely breaking up and have become unwatchable. This has cost great stress in my life as Dr. Phil and Oprah are on Channel 4 and well, People's Court is on Channel 8. I forget why I even mentioned Channel 10 actually, becomes I guess I don't really watch it.
So I finally get the energy to call the cable company to get this fucking crap fixed once and for all. See, I've called the cable company so many times in my life, that I know what they're going to ask me to do right away to try and remedy the problem. So I started out by saying "Yes I've unplugged the power source" and then I promptly gave them the number off the back of the box so they could "ping" the box. Yeah so that didn't work so I'm just like, "Please send someone out to give me a newer and better box because I HATE this box". While she was waiting for her DOS-based computer to work...she made what I like to call "The Minnesota Nice". Ya know, small talk about dumb crap. "Sheesh, I'm pretty glad I'm in the air-conditioning today because I heard it's just a scorcher out there!" and "I hear a little baby in the background...I sure can't wait until I have grandkids". I mean it's nice and all...but WHY OH WHY do we HAVE to talk while we're waiting for the computer to kick out some information?!??!!? Silence is golden. I like silence. I don't think it's awkward at all.
Anyway, EVERY SINGLE TIME I've called the cable company they do this. This is why I've put off calling them for soooo long. No shit! I just don't have the energy for conversation that isn't meaningful, I guess.
So, between 11 and 1 tomorrow afternoon...a fat-ass Comcast tech should be showing up to yet again put me through the torture of small talk. Hopefully, my small talk efforts will be rewarded with a NEW cable box (one that's silver and not black). I'll just toss in the fact that my husband and I worked for the cable company for almost a decade combined so we know what's up in that department.
WARNING!!! WARNING!!! The following paragraph involves vaginas. Don't say I didn't warn you!! WARNING!!! WARNING!!!
In other news, I had my annual vag appointment today. Haven't had one since six weeks after The Tronic was born. Maybe this deserves a post all its own...but the bakery has officially shut down after one good run. What I mean is: Ami is getting a brand-new procedure between August 29th and September 11th...which, without getting into graphic details, is PERMANENT birth control. No reversing it, no going back, nope, nope, nope. The tubes will be blocked off and my sweet little egg will never travel down any tubes again. We broke the mold when we had Ava...and as much as I love her and can't imagine my world without her...we're DONE!
And as we all know, birth control pills and patches and shots and nose sprays or whatever, fuck with hormones majorly...and that is ONE thing I don't need. I'm already fucked up enough as it is.
So anyway, yeah. I've never been so sure about something in awhile...and when my 97-year-old gynecologist suggested it, my ears perked up, and I was like, "Can we do it today?"
Ya know, just to kill 2 birds with 1 stone. Apparently, there's only one doctor in like the whole state of Minnesota that performs this "state-of-the-art" procedure and I'm on her list.
I'll be a eunuch now, won't I? That's totally awesome.

Who needs 24 ounces of Parmesan Cheese?!?!

2006-07-12T11:28:00.000-07:00

So about 2 weeks ago, Clay's parents came to visit and took us to Sam's Club. I've only been to Sam's Club about twice in my life, and each time I'm just like "holy shit". Everything is just so, well, BIG!!! And since I'm a midget, you can just about imagine how much larger and scary everything is looking through my tiny midget eyes. It's like every item in that store is taking massive amounts of steroids.
The one thing that we bought that kinda creeps me out every time I look at it is the container of grated parmesan cheese. 24 flippin' ounces! I mean c'mon!! In the picture to the left, I leaned a quarter against the bottom of the container for scale so you can get an idea of just how obnoxiously large it is.
Yesterday I used it for the first time, and I had to use BOTH of my hands in order to shake it on my pasta! Also, it doesn't fit nicely in the side part of the refrigerator like the normal size one...it's all awkward and takes up a shitload of space.
It just bothers me, and I can't wait until it's all used up so we can get the normal-size one.

I hope all of you have enjoyed reading this meaningless post.

Ami's Internet Obsessions

2006-06-28T18:51:00.000-07:00

Lately, I've found myself "researching" the following subjects on the internet:

Howard Hughes & all of his splendid weirdness
Dana Plato (again)
Suicides in Las Vegas
Hunter S. Thompson
Bette Davis
Frank Sinatra
Frank Sinatra owning the Cal-Neva Resort & Casino in the 1960's

Now I seriously must really tear myself away and go outside and water my flowers.

Stress,Distress, & Garage Sales

2006-06-20T18:21:00.000-07:00

Contrary to popular belief, I am STILL alive and thriving (not) here in the expansive piece of land they call "Blaine". It's like, I tell myself to remember to write down all of this stuff I have brewing in the old noggin...but then when I actually sit down to type it all out (like now)...I draw a complete blank.
Hmmmm.....
Ppmmhhhhh....
Ummmmm...
Welllll....
Yeeeaahhhh.

So I guess first and foremost...I've made a new CF friend!!! Believe it or not, I met him on myspace so I can no longer diss it anymore (well, at least not as much as I used to). Anyhoo, we're kindred siblings...me being the "Big Sis" since I'm 3 weeks older than him. It's like, I've met a lot of peopled with CF in my life...but they're just average ordinary people who I happen to have the same disease as. Tony's different. We've fought the same disease for the same amount of time AND we're on the same wavelength. He's getting an evaluation for a double lung transplant at Fairview in August. He is strong and brave, brave, brave! I mean, holy shit! It makes me feel all weird to know that that will be me someday. Dang.
Anyway, Lil' Bro' is a real cool cat that will be a long-lasting friendship.

My mom is here for the week. We're having a garage sale Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. Basically, I was all gung-ho about this a few weeks ago...bringing everything out to the garage and pricing shit...even going so far as to buy a booklet off the internet that will tell me "HOW TO HAVE THE BEST GARAGE SALE EVER!".
Let's just say the momentun has died a bit...like when I go out in the messy garage now and look at everything, I just want to turn right around and close the door behind me (which I normally do). I'm telling myself that "I still have tomorrow". Yeah right, you and I both know that I will not suddenly get a burst of natural energy and do everything that needs to be done tomorrow.
What I need is speed...or summa the white stuff (*winkwink*nudgenudge*). Anyone have anything for me? Crystal meth?? Anyone?
Teehee...just kitten!!!
Oh, also, my mom has done about a billion garage sales...so she's all hardened and bitter towards them. She was basically telling me that I shouldn't care so much about the signs. I was all like, "THE SIGNS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PART!!!!" If you don't have signs, NO ONE will come! And then I get all stressed about all the signs we'll need to put up, because there's so many intersections and twists and turns and stuff.
Whatever.
I'll let you know how it all goes. And if any of you want the Word file on how to have an awesome garage sale...please see me. I'll send it to you fer free if I like you.

7 Years

2006-06-04T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today is the 7-year anniversary of my dad's death.
It seems like it was just yesterday...yet, it seems like it's been a lifetime. He was only 48 when he died...and we were just beginning to get to the point where we were venturing into a more mature relationship. You know, we were relating on more of an adult-level with each other.
I try and think what our relationship would have grown into if he were still alive today. I think we would be as close as ever and he would have delighted in his role as a grandpa. I know me having a baby was the absolute last thing he would have ever expected! A lot of times in the morning, I hear Ava in her crib laughing and "talking" and definitely being entertained while I drift in and out of sleep listening to her. I know it's dad playing with her so I can catch a few more minutes of sleep (he knew how much I love to sleep).
I also believe that dad hand-picked Ava for me...and that she truly is a miracle baby.
It's hard to not picture my dad the way he looked the very last time I saw him alive (which is one of the most terrible images imbedded in my mind). I try to remember him how he looked in the picture above (at my high school graduation in 1994)...or how proud he was dancing with me at my junior Prom...or how he made the long 8-hour drive from Chicago to Minneapolis to spend time with me when I was 15-years-old and in the hospital for nearly 2 months. He stayed for a couple days and got the doctor to let me out for a few hours so he could take me shopping for a new outfit and out to dinner to make me feel better.
Richard Joseph Nessling was a great man who radiated positivity (even if he wasn't feeling that positive himself) in order to make other people's days. He brought great joy to many people's lives...I know that for a fact.
I love you daddy.

Dana Plato & Diamonds Made of Dead People

2006-05-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

You know how sometimes you get on the internet and you find yourself obsessed with looking at websites about a particular subject that you previously had absolutely NO interest in?? This is what happened to me today. For some reason, while watching Maury this morning, I suddenly remembered that Dana Plato committed suicide a few years ago but really didn't know the circumstances surrounding her death. Y'all know who Dana Plato was...she played Kimberly Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes! So I'm finding out all of the information that anyone could possibly EVER know about her...I look at the clock...and I have been looking at websites about her for nearly TWO hours!!! I wasted Ava's whole entire nap looking up stupid information that I probably could've lived without knowing about Dana Plato. Some of it is interesting though...did you know that she was in a soft-core porn film so aptly named "Different Strokes"?? Also, she declared herself a lesbian a couple years before she died even though she was engaged to a man. She also did a layout for Playboy! She died from an overdose of Valium and Lortab...but apparently there's a big (well, not ~too~ big) controversy that her fiance killed her somehow. Or that the overdose was accidental and not an overdose. So, needless to say, if you EVER want to know anything about the charismatic lady that played Kimberly Drummond...just ask me!!!

In other news, my sister told me about this website which is: http://www.lifegems.com
that can make your dead loved ones into a diamond! We both think this is an awesome idea...and the diamonds are truly beautiful! They can be either yellow or blue diamonds...and I promised her that I would be cremated so she could make me into a diamond. I would most definitely want to be a blue diamond...sorta like in the picture to the right. I want to be either a radiant or princess-cut...and of course, the bigger the carat the better! So you better start saving your money now Lil' Peaznut cuz it is not cheap! Of course the blue-color diamond is the most expensive...with one carat costing $20,000! Also, it would be even MORE awesome if you would put me in a Tacori setting...maybe even a setting similar to my Tacori wedding ring. Think about it Peaznut...wouldn't that just be precious?!?! Of course mom would be horrified to find out we're even talking about this...heehee!!

Also, wouldn't it be nice if Lil' Peaznut could make an update in her blog?! YES, I think it would be nice!!!

Thanks A LOT Meghan!!!

2006-05-21T20:10:00.000-07:00

So the other day my sister, who we all know as Lil' Peaznut, was telling me that she thinks that she's becoming ME because she's now in the habit of reading a book with a flashlight in bed before she goes to sleep at night...which is something I've been doing for a couple years now.
Well, now I've got news for you Meghan...I'm becoming YOU! The picture to the left is proof positive. I have become obsessed with tweezing my eyebrows...just like Lil' Peaznut. I feel like I've spent about 42 hours in the mirror this weekend tweezing, trying to get the arch all dramatic & stuff. It's like I just couldn't stop. I'm surprised I have anything left! Before you know it, I'm going to be drinking 4 liters of room-temperature water each day!

When I wasn't tweezing my eyebrows, I was indulging in my absolutely FAVORITE new food...Chocolate Lucky Charms!!!
Just normal Lucky Charms has always been my favorite cereal...but THIS takes my love of the cereal to a whole new level! Can someone please tell me why this wasn't thought of before?!?! Nevertheless, I shouldn't complain because it's here now and has put a little bright spot into my day. HOWEVER, I have 2 of the original Lucky Charms boxes in my pantry as we speak (I always had a back-stock because I never wanted to be without)...and my problem is that I don't think I can ever go back to the original after having the chocolate! I've told Clay about this problem, so hopefully he will take it upon himself to eat the 2 boxes of original Lucky Charms (hint, hint)

Anyhoo...THANK YOU GENERAL MILLS - YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE!!!

My Little Goth Baby

2006-05-20T10:20:00.000-07:00

So yesterday since Ava was acting like a COMPLETE goth, all moody and throwing herself on the floor and stuff...I decided to dress her in her "Siouxsie & the Banshees" black dress, paired with her ladybug moccasins.
The picture to the left is of her contemplating the meaning of life and trying to determine just how angst-ridden her life as a baby is. She's trying to illicit sympathy from her crazed mother by trying to look all cute in her little goth dress...but I'm just not falling for it.

Here in this picture to your right, she's yelling and trying to explain why her life living as a baby in the suburbs of Minneapolis is so darn torturous. She is threatening to run away and saying that I'm really going to be sorry. At this point, I'm totally onto her game.

This is a picture that Lily took when Ava

thought that no one was looking.

Do you see her smug expression of

satisfaction on her "innocent" face?

She ~thinks~ she has me wrapped

around her little finger. She has no

idea what I have in store for her!

Ah ha!!! It's payback time for little Ava Caroline!! I thrust the broom

into her pudgy little hands and made her sweep our lovely vinyl floors circa 1982. You want Goth?? I'll give you Goth!!

Of course Ava requested that I put in Siouxsie's up-beat song

"Peek-A-Boo" because as Ava said, "It puts her in the mood for a little cleaning".

So that was yesterday...all filled with drama and angst.

Makes me think she's going to be a chip off the ole' block...

Blech

2006-05-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

I have just a few things to say today:

It's waaaayyy easier to get married than get divorced
If you ~do~ decide to get married, please do not do so before the age of 26. But if you really must, please do not procreate OR buy a car and put it in both of your names.
When you do end up getting divorced, even if you don't have kids...it will follow you and come up from time-to-time for at least 5 years after the divorce is final
Trying to do the right thing and getting a Minnesota license plate and get my title transferred over to Minnesota in my new name is pretty much the hardest thing to do on the planet
Minnesota won't let you get their precious license plates until you, a) give them your first born, b) give 17 blood samples, and c) walk around the world and back.

ALL I wanted to do yesterday is get this DMV crap taken care of. It's been hanging over my head for almost two years now and I figure that I'm on borrowed time right now driving all over the place with expired Wisconsin plates. Apparently, since I still have a loan on the car and the title and loan is in both my and my ex-husband's name...GMAC won't let me take his name off of the loan or title until the entire loan is paid off. It doesn't even matter that the payment has been directly deducted each month from MY sole checking account since I bought the car. They can't even replace Clay's name as the co-owner of the lien. The ONLY option is for it to all be paid off.

So basically I cannot get Minnesota plates and drive my car legally until I come up with $8,872 to pay it all off. Needless to say, I'm still in shock about that. I explained my plight to my parents...and they seem willing to find a way to help me out with things, which I appreciate very very much. But it still makes me feel like I'm a big fat loser. Actually, GMAC are the ones that are big fat losers.

Anyhoo, on a good note, I finished my block nails today and damn do they look awesome! Now if I only had the time to take a shower... I guess they say not washing your hair everyday is good for it, but I think this is kinda becoming ridiculous!

Okay, I'm done. Love to y'all.

I'm Going To Spend A LOT of Time On My Nails Today

2006-05-17T11:59:00.000-07:00

So I went to an appointment yesterday (what?! ME going to an appointment?!? How weird!!)...and as the nurse was talking to me about something regarding pain and blah, blah, blah...I began to get the idea that I really need to do my nails today. Maybe it was because she commented on "how pretty" the polish on my block (some other people call this a word that begins with "F" and ends in a "T") nails are.
So then what I did was I went to Target and spent about 37 hours in the make-up aisle. I bought flippin' acrylic polish, 3 different colors of polish (2 blueish-green & 1 hot pink), glittery stars polish, AND Sally Hansen's Power Shield, which for your information, is an ultra-protective top coat. OH!!! And I bought this block-like thing that files, smoothes, buffs, AND shines your nails!
So far, my block nails are almost complete...they have an ultraviolet color polish on, clear glitter over that, and then I carefully placed tiny silver glitter stars with a toothpick over the surface...sealing it all in with the ultra-protective top coat. Sounds pretty intricate, eh? Well, it is.
My hand nails are next. There's no stoppin' me today!!!!

In other news, apparently the people that used to supply my oxygen hasn't accepted my new po' people insurance since January...and I just recently found that out! So today, without an appointment, the NEW oxygen supply company that does accept my po' people insurance came to deliver the goods. In fact, he woke me up...and I was really not prepared. I mean, c'mon people...Ami does not do well with people showing up at my house in the morning unexpectedly! Everyone knows that!
So now I have a brand spankin' new huge oxygen machine AND one of those ugly travel tanks with wheels. No fancy little back-pack type liquid oxygen tanks for me! Po' people insurance doesn't cover those sorts of luxuries apparently.
Oh well.
So now the secret is out as to why I'm a little crazy...I don't get enough oxygen to my brain! Now, thanks to Northwest Respiratory Services, I will be normal again. Heehee!
Let's all spill out a little bit of a Colt 40 onto the ground right now (you ~know~ y'all are drinking that right now) in honor of Northwest Respiratory Services. Awwww yeah!

Well, after our garage door fiasco last week and the even bigger fiasco with our Jeep getting impounded because of Clay's 7,000 unpaid parking tickets...I guess today we're going to get all of our unfinished business taken care of that we've been avoiding since we moved here 2 years ago. Such as going to the dreaded DMV today to forge my ex-husband's signature to get a new Minnesota title for my Saturn, as well as getting MINNESOTA license plates instead of the Wisconsin plates with an expiration sticker of December of 2004 I've been driving around for about 2 years. We figure with our luck coming to end with the Jeep last week...it'll probably come to an end soon with the Saturn too if we don't get this taken care of today.
Oh, also we HAD to buy a new (but used) lawn mower on Monday. We've received TWO lawnmowers since we bought the house 2 years ago...and both of them worked for awhile, but now NEITHER of them work and our lawn looks like a frickin' prairie. Seriously. We were gettting dirty looks from neighbors and everything.
I've learned a few things since moving to the suburbs:

People take GREAT pride in their lawns here. They mow it every other day...even if it's pouring rain (I've seen this happen...twice).
The ~only~ time we see our neighbors is when they're mowing their lawns. Otherwise, you never see them outside...not even out on the deck grilling or socializing or whatever.
Whenever we take Lily for a walk (which isn't often since she hates going for walks), she will poop on everyone's lawn but ours, and we always inevitably never have a little plastic baggie to pick it up. So we have to pretend like it never happened and just walk away quickly...VERY quickly!

So anyway, we looked at the classifieds in the Star Tribune on Monday, drove down to Bloomington that day, met with a nice old guy named Harold, and bought a push self-propelled mower for a cheap price. Clay says it works "like a dream".

I know that's probably more than you ever wanted to know about my nails, mowers and neighbors but hey, that's what's exciting to me in my life right now. So there.

Last but definitely not least, I want to give a big SHOUT OUT to my best girl Amber Solow!!! We have been kindred spirits and friends since we met while we were sophomores in college and had dorm rooms right by each other in Eau Claire. Actually, we had noticed each other way before that since we would always go to "Progressive Night" at the campus's dance club. I was too shy to go up to her and introduce myself, but I admired her from afar because she just looked (and still does) so darn cool. With her long black hair and the sexy way she dances...she made a huge impression on a once naively unfashionable gal like me. I mean, at that point, I'm pretty sure I was still tight-rolling my jeans!

By sheer coincidence, she moved into the room next to me the year after I first saw her and we made an immediate connection. I credit Amber for 'making me cool' and showing me the light, so to speak, of all that is goth. She made the BEST mixed tapes and introduced me to bands like Skinny Puppy, The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, and so on. Keep in mind, I was only exposed to all the crappy Top 40 crap music coming from Fall River. I've known her for over a decade and she's one of my bestest friends. We travelled across the Atlantic together and explored England together...which will always remain one of my fondest memories ever. We have matching fairy tattoos...which means to me that not only are we connected by our matching tattoos, we're connected by our mind, heart, & souls. She is a wise, empathetic, caring, beautiful (inside & out) soul...and I love her with all of my heart. She even made the long trek to come be with me when Ava was born, and is a TRUE friend in all ways. I LOVE YOU AMBER!!

Now come visit us SOON! :)

Amber & I at my 30th birthday partay!

I'm an insomniac

2006-05-16T02:50:00.000-07:00

So here I sit after trying all of my nightly rituals of getting to sleep. It used to be that I would snuggle in bed, pop 5mg of Ambien, put my little book light on and read until I fell into oblivion. For the past week or so, it's all gone out (and I mean OUT) the window!
Now I go to bed at my normal time:11:30 pm, watch Blind Date, turn the TV off, take 10mg of Ambien, read, read, read some more, get sick of reading, go take a bath, read a magazine and chew bubble gum in the tub, get out, go back to bed, take another 10mg Ambien (keep in mind a 10mg Ambien would work like a dream usually!). Read, read, read, read, read, get pissed off, go the fridge and grab a Rolling Rock thinking that alcohol always makes me tired, take ~another~ bath (my record is 5 in a single night...they temporarily make my leg bones not ache), get the magazine I'm reading all wet, dry off, go into bed, finish the beer, take 2 Valium, and now it's almost exactly 5 in the morning. So that all transpired in 5 and a half hours. It's been happening this way for about 4 nights now and it's really starting to piss me off. If I don't sleep, I can't take care of Ava properly...or anything for that matter. Oh, and I have a doctor's appt. at 11:15 tomorrow...that would be in about 6 hours. Sweet.
In closing, I would like to tell you that last night I watched four back-to-back episodes of The Brady Bunch. You can totally tell in the shows that Florence Henderson was doing Greg (isn't his real name Barry Robbinson or something?). Just by the way they look at each other and their mannerisms towards each other....they just exude sexual tension!!! Well I would do it if my on-screen husband was gay too!!! You know you all would.
Okay, I'm crazy and I'm going to try and get at least an hour sleep tonight. You know it's bad when you can see the sun in the horizon and the birds are chirping. Damn those chirping birds!!! Aggggh!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY MOM!

2006-05-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

So today is the day that we give thanks to our mothers for bringing us into this world. I love my mom (Hi! I'm Carol!) more than words can say. Yes, like the popular song in the early '90's by the one-hit-wonder band Extreme. Since this is my 2nd mother's day of me being a mom...and being responsible for a wonderful (but energetic!) 16-month-old...it gives me a whole new appreciation for MY mom. I mean, it's hard enough raising a child, let alone a child with a terminal disease or disability. Ava is absolutely & perfectly healthy and I thank my lucky stars every day that she does not have CF or any other medical problem.
My mom was told when I was 3 months old that I would not live to be the age of 7. She was told to just take me home and love me until I die. I can't imagine being told that as a new mother.
But now look at me...I'm 30 flippin' years old! And I owe most of that to my mommy.
So this is a big announcement on the world wide web that I thank you for everything mom...and I love you truly, madly, and deeply.

The only way mom will probably see this post is if Lil' Peaznut shows it to her...so if you could do that Meg, I promise to be your lover & sister FOREVER. If you do not choose to show this to mom...I know people who know people who know people in Cambria that can rip up that "Sister Contract" we signed oh so many years ago. Remember when we signed that 25 years ago? Actually, I think I remember making you signing whilst you were a fetus inside mom's stomach just after her and dad got married at the courthouse and then we went to the Pizza Hut across the street to celebrate. You signed the "Sister Contract" through the womb on one of those Pizza Hut red & white checkered tableclothes. Okay, I'm crazy...I know.
Also Lil' Peaznut...I'm doing yet another shout out to YOU for being such an awesome mom! (not to ME you silly! To Zoe & Keight!) You have overcome SO many obstacles and so much negativity to get to where you are today. You are a focused, hard-working, wonderful, not to mention SEXY woman...and I'm so proud of you. I don't think I would've been able to:

Have a baby as a teenager

Live in mom & dad's house for 6 years (no offense mom & dad!)

Raise a child while going to a college that's 45 minutes away EACH way

Graduated from this college & thus becoming a Registered Nurse...and did I mention ALL the while raising a child?!

And last but not least, make it to Wisconsin in time to see Zoe's birth since I was in OHIO fer chrissake trying to make a contribution to the CF Foundation's research by being a guinea pig! Hey missy, it wasn't MY fault your water broke!

HERE'S TO YOU LIL' PEAZNUT!

CAN'T YOU SEE THE LOVE & ADORATION I HAD IN MY EYES FOR YOU MEGHAN?!?

IF I HADN'T BEEN HOLDING ONTO YOU WITH MY RIGHT ARM YOU WOULD HAVE FALLEN OFF OF THE CARPETED TABLETOP. ALSO, NOTICE HOW MUCH CUTER I AM THAN YOU. ALSO, REMEMBER THE GOOD OLE' DAYS WHEN I USED TO NURTURE YOU LIKE A BABY KITTEN & YOU USED TO SUCKLE FROM MY TEET?

JUST KIDDING!!! (about the being cuter than you part, that is)

An Ode To My Peaznut...

2006-05-11T19:47:00.000-07:00

Well, by now you all are probably wondering exactly what a "Peaznut" is and the origins of the term. You see, when my sister, who's real name is Meghan, and I were little kids, our mom was a teacher at the same elementary school that we went to. When I was in kindergarten and 1st grade, mom would sometimes drive me to school and park the car right by where the high-schoolers got off the bus each morning. Each morning, mom would kiss me good-bye right in front of them and say something to the effect of: "Have a good day Peanut!" or "I love you Peanut". Nevertheless, whatever she said to me as we parted each day involved her calling me "Peanut". So eventually, the high-schoolers began to make fun of me each day after my mom was out of sight...by mimicking what my mom would say and calling me "Peanut". If they saw me in the halls (the school was K-12) they would say: "Hi Peanut" or "I love you Peanut". Looking back on it, these high-schoolers probably thought it was harmless fun picking on a little girl...but it was rather traumatic for me (well, kinda but not really).

Meghan wasn't in school at this time, but mom also called her "Peanut" on a regular basis. So instead of going to therapy over this, Meghan and I have now fully embraced the term, and in our habit of making fun of mom, we're known to each other and the world as "Big Peaznut" (me) and "Lil' Peaznut" (Meg). Somewhere along the line we added the "z" in the middle.

So this post goes out to Lil' Peaznut. Thank you for always answering the phone when I call...and not hanging up on me when I'm in the midst of a nervous breakdown and crying uncontrollably like a big fat cry baby. Thank you for truly understanding me and having the same mind-set and sense of humor as me. You make me laugh and you make me thankful everyday that you're not only my little tiny Peaznut sister, you're my best friend and I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS!!!

Being a peaznut means we're two nuts in the same salty shell.

My Father & Mentor...Larry David

2006-05-10T17:54:00.000-07:00

If you're not interested in hearing about the genius and creativity that Larry David embodies...then you better stop reading at this point.
If you are interested, then congratulations...I like you. I really really like you.
I've received a ton of requests from my readers out there (ok, actually only Rachel) that have just been clamoring to find out who the hell Larry David is. Well, my dear friends, he is only the funniest, most creative genius that has ever existed.
As most of you may, or may not know, the series Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO is the most fantastic show in my book (and Clay's book!). Larry David writes, directs, and stars in this precious gem of a show. Each show is a half hour, and it's all semi-improvised. You actually feel like you're in the room with them in each scene. Larry is obviously the star of the show, and he lives in Santa Monica, CA with his nagging wife, agreeable agent Jeff who's wife, Suzie, always calls him a "fat fuck", and his best friend Richard Lewis. The premise in each episode is that Larry is always screwing up and is spending the rest of the episode trying to rectify the situation, only to end up fucking up even more. Basically, if you watch just one episode you are hooked. Do yourself a favor today and go straight to Netflix right after you read this and reserve either season 1,2,3 or 4 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. I guarantee, if you know me, you will NOT be disappointed! In fact, you will become addicted like I did. After I watch each episode, even if I've seen the episode a million times before, it never ceases to amaze me of how much of a genius Larry David is. GENIUS I TELL YOU!!! Larry also used to be a writer for Saturday Night Live back-in-the-day, but is most famous for being the co-creator & writer of Seinfeld. It's funny, I never really liked Seinfeld that much, but I LOVE Curb Your Enthusiasm. If you have HBO, Curb Your Enthusiasm is on at 6:30 pm and 10:00 every night. And it's one of those shows that you can just hop in and start watching whenever...you won't feel lost or anything if you start watching in the middle of season 3 or anything.
Whenever I'm in a not-so-good of a mood...an episode of CYE cheers me right up! Whenever we're in a tough life situation, my sister, Lil' Peaznut AKA Meghan, always ask ourselves 'What would Larry do?' Instead of those WWJD bracelets...we're gonna make WWLD bracelets, and we will send each and every one of you a bracelet, and you will wear it...every day. And you will love it.
So run along little ones...put a season of Curb Your Enthusiasm as number 1 in your queue and prepare to for your life to be changed!

I know you're stalking me Rachel...

2006-05-09T11:37:00.000-07:00

Shout out to my BFF!

Because I just know you are chomping at the bit for a new post, Rachel...I thought I would post this lovely picture of us! Actually, it's one of my favorites. It's the "semi-retarded senior picture laying your head on a mirror" pose But we are still oh so hot.

Let's see, what's going on here...well, Ava is taking a nap, I'm trying to find the motivation to take a shower (I'm pathetic), wanting to read the ~3~ new magazines that I have waiting for me (and it's only going to get worse since they're all weekly magazines!), and listening to the bald guy mow his lawn next door, making us look all bad because now we're the only ones on the block with an unmowed lawn. It's a constant struggle during the summer! They are ALWAYS mowing their damn lawns! It's like that's the only thing they do.

I'll prolly post more later...but I haven't brushed my teeth yet and it's almost 2:00 so I better pry myself away from this machine.

On Zoloft

2006-05-08T11:56:00.000-07:00

So it's probably not a huge shock to anyone at this point that I've been on Zoloft for a little over a year and a half now (I tried Paxil before that but it made me feel not so sane). I was originally put on anti-depressants when I was pregnanto with Ava and was well, DEPRESSED!
We had just moved to a brand new city where we knew absolutely no one except my doctors, bought a house in suburbia, flew to Vegas and got married, having a very very hard pregnancy and basically spending what was supposed to be a happy time either alone in the hospital or alone at home. Either way, I was alone a lot. Clay had just started his indentured servitude at the new company he worked at...and became a shell of his former self because of all that was expected of him...and plus, when the company named themselves "Always Be There", they did a good job because that is EXACTLY what the job requires you to be...ALWAYS there!

We had to make a living, since I was obviously not working and not on disability yet, so that means I was in the hospital alone for most of my pregnancy. Dr. Bob, therefore, put me on Zoloft in order to try and lessen the immediate problem, as well as anticipating any post-partum depression.
I've never really noticed a marked difference while taking Zoloft...like, I didn't all of a sudden feel really that happy and content. Everyday is still a struggle to keep my head above water...which has given me the conclusion that I don't think THIS particular drug is working for me. I'm not sure if it's ever worked for me. There have been times in the recent past I've tried weaning myself off of it...only to go back to my normal dose because I can't handle the physical withdrawl symptoms. While in the hospial back in March, an attending psychiatrist came to see me for about 1.2 seconds and he made the decision to UP my dose of Zoloft to the maximum recommended dosage of 200 mg (which is a VERY high dosage, especially for someone of my size & weight). This had the opposite effect, and made me have severe panic attacks (which I now have to take other meds to stop me from having panic attacks). So now FINALLY after a year and a half, I have an appointment this week with an actual psychiatrist (it took almost a year to get in to see someone) so I can sort thru all of this and find a drug cocktail or whatever, that is going to actually work for me. I need an expert in the field of psychiatry regularly tracking me, not have a Cystic Fibrosis doctor prescribing me anti-depressants. That's like a receptionist at a doctor's office making out a treatment plan for someone with terminal cancer.
At this point in my life, you can imagine that I'm pretty skeptical when it comes to anything medical...especially medical "professionals" that I don't know and/or have formed a relationship with. So that basically only qualifies the people at the CF Center...and that's probably only because I've been going there since I was three years old...I have extensive history there. Outside of them, I see many more medical people...I see a pain doctor, physical therapist, new-agey weird psychologist ("all you need to do to manage your anxiety & pain is listen to your breath"), ENT doctors, OB-GYN, home-healthcare nurses, and now a psychiatrist. I know they all probably mean well...and maybe I think I'm high & mighty (okay, which I am ;)...but most of the time I feel that all they're saying is a bunch of crap that never ever helps me, so why waste my time?!
So anyway, the reason I wrote this post is because I accidentally laid down for a nap at noon and woke up at 1:30 and then realized that I hadn't yet taken my Zoloft for the day and my brain is what feels it the most. When I don't take it on time, my brain feels all weird, like it's sloshing around in my head. And then when I take it, that feeling goes away in about a half hour.
It's like I'm chained to this crap that doesn't work!
Wow, after re-reading this post it's pretty serious and tedious...I'm sorry!
I'll leave you with a happy image of Lil' MF Dawg's favorite thing in the world to do...

DECK PUG

We're growin' John Holmes Tulips

2006-05-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

If John Holmes was alive today, he sure would be proud of what's growing on the side of our house! Look at the size of that tulip! I put my hand right next to it solely for the purpose of scale (not to show you my manicure or my beautiful ring or anything). These muthas are BIG!!! I'm not even feeding them any Miracle Grow are anything.
Keep in mind, this is my first year growing tulips, so this is why I'm so excited. I'm sure all you expert tulip-growers out there are thinking that this isn't a big deal at all. I know, I know, they're cross-bred, and bred again and again and again to make tulips this enormous. I was just surprised they sell them at Menard's.
Well, I better get going because I hear Clay laboring downstairs. He's clearing out all the boxes and crap from under the stairs so we can build shelves and organize. How much do you wanna bet all of those boxes will still be in the garage at the end of the summer...

R.I.P. John C. Holmes

1944 - 1988

YAY! It's Clay's Birthday!

2006-05-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

Clay is exactly an hour and a half into embarking on his 29th year of life...and how is he spending it? He's sleeping! And not even remotely interested in watching Elimidate. Weird!
And what the heck is with the new Joey Buttafuoco/Amy Fisher/Mary Jo Buttafuoco confrontations taking place on TV specials lately? I mean don't get me wrong, I watched all 3 made-for-TV movies about the Amy Fisher case back in 1992...but clearly, all of this drama is just because they're all hurting for money and all of the tabloid TV shows (and Oprah!) are paying them to all get together after 14 years and fight it out.
In other news, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise made their first appearance out together since their damn baby was born...actually, I don't feel like I even have the energy to go into my hatred for Tom Cruise right now. But just be warned, some day a whole post WILL be dedicated to this Scientologist, disbeliever in Psychiatry or post-partum depression, wholier than thou attitude, jumping on Oprah's couch, robotic-like, egomaniacal, crazy piece of doody.

Today we ended up going to Rosedale Mall because Clay needs new shoes...so then OF COURSE I found MORE really cute shoes...for myself! It's always bad going shopping with Clay because whenever I ask him "what he thinks of them", he always says that they look really good or sexy. So then of course I HAVE to get them! Clay didn't find any shoes, but I sure did!
Seriously, for your sake and mine, I'm DONE with the shoe-thing for awhile...a long while.

So we were pretty tired when we got home, so I decided to crawl into Lily Bear's bed with her (she was pissed), and Clay snapped a picture. Notice I'm holding one of the new shoes I bought today...they're wedge shoes and apparently pretty popular with the kids.

You can see that I am also wearing a very sexy Hershey's T-Shirt that Clay and I saved 50 Hershey's candy wrappers that we then sent in, and received the t-shirt you see in the picture, an Almond Joy one (my favorite), a Kit-Kat one, a York peppermint patty one (Clay's favorite), and a Reeses one! All we had to pay for was $7.50 postage! What a deal, eh?

Tomorrow we will be going out for sushi at a restaurant we haven't tried before...and we're even getting a real live babysitter! She's almost 18 and has babysat Ava before and is really good and mature. We let her have her boyfriend over later after Ava goes to bed...which some people may think is a bad idea...but Clay and I feel good about it. He's a respectful, nice guy and all they do is watch TV and movies. I mean, she's 18...it's not like she's 16. We're such progressive parents. ;)

Carrot Top Wears Eyeliner

2006-05-04T16:37:00.000-07:00

It's true. For some reason, I found myself sort of watching the Tyra Bank show today (even though I detest the show) and she was in Vegas interviewing flippin' Carrot Top! I mean, is he even really interview-worthy? And to top things off, he was wearing thick black eyeliner! Fer chrissake! So anyway, Lily (for those who don't know, she's our pug dog...and usually we call her many other names other than her legal name...like Sausage Link, Croissant, & Short Snake) was watching this with me, and it clearly made her in a pretty bad mood. Now, it doesn't take much to put Lil' Dawg in a bad mood...but Carrot Top's eyeliner combined with his pale, freckly skin really pushed her over the edge. So in homage of Lil' and to make her feel a little bit better...I put together the Lil' collage you see above. It is quite obvious that Lil' is napping a little better right now knowing that she got her props in my blog. On that note, what the hell does "blog" stand for anyway?? I will give anyone who can tell me two Hershey candy bars with almonds.
So today wasn't all that exciting, apart from being on the phone with my sister while we were both googling "self-inflicted gunshot wound pictures" at the same time on the internet. Surprisingly, we found A LOT of pictures...and they weren't the consumptionjunction.com or rotten.com sorts of websites. These were medical sites that had pictures of every single gruesome accident you could imagine happening to people. Meghan and I's personal favorite was the one with the guy who committed suicide by sawing himself in half with a band saw. I mean holy shit! If I was to commit suicide, I guess I would choose the least bloody method...but to each his own, I guess.
After my fun on the internet, Ava and I ventured to Kohl's to exchange my 2 left shoes. Now, keep in mind, I just went there two days ago and today, the shoes were NO WHERE in sight! So I explain this whole silly issue to the shoe lady, and she goes in the storeroom to check to see if they have a RIGHT shoe to match my two lefts. Of course they don't...so there's someone else in the surrounding Twin Cities area with two RIGHT shoes. If only we could meet and exchange a shoe! So I returned both of the shoes and got my $1.50 back. Of course then I found some other cute pairs of shoes on sale since I've seemed to spend a whole heckuva lot of time in the shoe aisles at Kohl's these past few days. So I bought 3 new pairs with my magical Kohl's card which magically still has enough credit on it!!!
I'm reasoning out buying 3 pairs of shoes at once because I was never a shoe addict type of person in the past, so I don't have as many cute shoes as I'd like to have...so I'm making up for lost time I guess! If anyone needs further explaining on this whole shoe issue, please feel free to email me at: faerygrrl13@yahoo.com
Or just email me if you would like me to explain the meaning of life, or why my pug only has one eye, or why Ava is kind of displaying slight OCD behaviors lately, or even why I hate Tom Cruise so much. I'm here for y'all!
Also, I realized that I'm addicted to all shows who's first word in its title is "American". Shows such as American Idol and American Inventor. As for American Idol, I really want Taylor to win because not only do I like his bluesy voice, he's not a cookie-cutter type of person like all the rest of them. He has pizazz. However, I think that Chris will end up winning. This is still good though because he's a "rock" kind of guy. And by "rock" I mean he looks and sings like a real rocker. I hate all of the ditzy, Britney Spear-ish, poppy, bouncy girls that have won in the past. I apologize to everyone who doesn't watch the shows for the paragraph above. I just had to get it out. Heehee!

I must bid you all adieu now since I better clean up what Clay and I like to call "The Tronic Tornado". I will leave you with this very very sexy picture of me kickin' it with a stuffed hedgehog...

Blaine, Minnesota's Top Two Celebrities Make An Appearance At Local IKEA

2006-05-03T19:39:00.000-07:00

Those crazy Swedes! You gotta love 'em for inventing IKEA, which offers very contemporary furnishings and home goods for very affordable prices! After about a year hiatus, we ventured down to Bloomington to that delightfully blue building where you're sure to find ~something~ to please every person's aesthetics. Fortunately, (or rather, unfortunately for our credit cards) we found waaaay too much stuff.
Our first stop was to the authentic IKEA restaurant, which is located on the second floor. Ava started out the IKEA adventure slightly grouchy, so we thought that some authentic Scandinavian meatballs might please her. Turns out, they don't. She's more of a french fry, bread, and vegetable type-o-gal. Oh, and pudding. Damn does she like pudding!
As you can tell from the picture below, we are just having a grand ole' time!

I ended my meal with a delicious glass of fountain Mountain Dew. Ahhh, how refreshing!

So Clay and I have been wanting to organize the downstairs office area for quite a long time(like since we moved in). We designed our very own filing system cabinet with a professional "IKEA Associate". It has the birch finish, which matches all of our other crap, and a kick-ass silver roll top cabinet. It is really something special. To match this fantastic office creation, we bought a birch finish 3-drawer cabinet, which is exactly the same one as I bought about 3 years ago at the IKEA in Chicago. I know by now you're probably really jealous imagining how sweet our new office is going to be. Our reasoning for spending money on this is: If we have a work environment that is comfortable & stylish, we will want to go downstairs more and work, thus, being more productive and making more money with our bidness. It sure makes sense to me!

Now don't you go thinking that that was all we bought! Oh no it wasn't! I found a wastebasket for $1.49! Those sorts of deals don't come along everyday so I snatched one up for the laundry room. We also bought such needed items as: a hanging shoe organizer, a colorful collection of plastic cups, bookends, a stuffed dragon for Ava, some coffee, and a birch finish bookcase for my plethora of books. Hmmm, I'm noticing a "birch finish" theme going on here...I would have to honestly say that out of all the woods in the world, birch is my favorite with maple coming in a close second.

After all of this shopping excitement, Clay and Ava decided to take a break on a display bed...

Now don't let the smile on Ava's face deceive you...she was only smiling because some nice old couple was ogling her and she was trying to impress. For some reason, Ava was very, shall we say, "out-of-sorts" for our entire adventure to IKEA. She was in NO mood to greet her public like she usually is. Maybe it was because she's teething...maybe it was because the only store she's used to going to is Target. Who knows!

Much to our surprise, when it was all said and done, we had spent FOUR hours inside the world's mecca of put-it-together-yourself furnishings. This fact does not surprise me since the first time Clay and I ever went to IKEA, we spent EIGHT hours in there. IKEA is like a bright blue-n-yellow black hole.

One last thing I'm slightly puzzled by...why do all of their products have such wacky names like Skubb (hanging shoe organizer) or Kalas (a colorful collection of small plastic cups) or Billy (my bookcase)??? Who comes up with these? I suppose if I cared enough, I would take the time to see if they are indeed Swedish names on the internet.

I know you are all probably pretty jealous of all the excitement that my day entailed today. It's sad, but we all can't be high rollers like me! ;)

2 Left Shoes

2006-05-02T12:12:00.000-07:00

Yeah, so I went to Kohl's last night to do some therapeutic shopping with my magical Kohl's card. I had a pretty hard day and all I really felt like doing was ODing on Valium or something. However, I took the safer alternative and went shopping with money we don't have. I worked at Kohl's for about a month late last year, so I'm always wary about going there for fear that someone will recognize me and want to do an unmeaningful "stop-n-chat". I hate stop-n-chats and I refuse to partake in them.
So I go immediately to the shoe section and I find $50 shoes on clearance for get this...$1.50!!!! Well of course I can't pass that up, so I quickly put it in my cart. I then go to the kids section and snatch up Ava a shitload of sleepers, because I seriously have an addiction to buying her sleepers. Nothing else but sleepers. I epecially like the kind that snap at the waist. I truly dig those.
ANYWAY, so I get home and I'm showing Clay $1.50 shoes and then I proceed to try them on...and I'm all confused because they're not fitting correctly. Only then do I notice that I have TWO left shoes!!! So now I have to go through the trouble of finding my dumb receipt, going back to Kohls, explaining the situation, and hoping that the right (pun intended) shoe is still there so I can have a left AND a right shoe. Fer chrissake!!!
In other news, I need to fill the bird feeder today.

Semi-retarded Individuals

2006-05-01T22:45:00.000-07:00

So here is my first post in my brand spankin' new blog! My sister, Lil' Peanut, and I are both semi-retarded individuals so it took us awhile to figure it out...but I think we did. I'm not feeling generous with the words tonight so I will just leave you with the fact that Blind Date is my favorite late-night show and I don't care what anyone has to say about it! I also love Elimidate. Please, if anyone I know that is reading this who is single (or even not single...just don't tell your wife/husband)...PLEASE consider going on one of these two shows for me. I will gather all of the necessary information in order for you to enter & have the flippin' time of yer life.
Thank you and goodnight.